DID AN EPISODE OF POKEMON JUST TEACH ME MORE ABOUT SELF WORTH AND DETERMINATION THAN YEARS OF THERAPY? DID THIS JUST HAPPEN? IM CRYING SO HARD RIGHT NOW THIS IS BEAUTIFUL
Have you ever loved someone so much, that no matter how many times they fuck up, you forgive them right away? You make up ever single excuse in the book in their defense. “He just needs to do some growing up,” is one I used today. My personal favorite is ,”he’s human. Humans make mistakes.” The worst part is that is family truly made me feel like I was apart of it. I fit in there and they accepted me for all my flaws, whereas my relationships with one of my sisters and parents isn’t exactly ideal. His younger sister brought my inside to the warmth of their house one night after he left to smoke. I sat outside their house crying in my car because in that moment, I knew he’d never love me as I loved him and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. I would have stayed there crying all night if it wasn’t for her. Thank you.
For my birthday last year, he took me to the zoo and went out to dinner with my family with me and threw me a disney themed birthday party with the help of my amazing friends. After cleaning up and playing in the miles of streamers we had, we went to his room and he told me all of his favorite things about me and played the song he had written about me. The only other time I’ve heard that was on the first day we started dating. Then, we cuddled and I fell asleep in his arms and for the first time in a long time, I felt safe. It was the most innocent and wonderful day of my life.
Today is his birthday. Earlier this week, I had learned that he is dating someone else and I can only imagine that she spent the day doing all the things I wish I could. I wish I could make you happy like you made me. I wish you’d talk to me and I wish you still wanted to at least be my friend. I wish I could have spent your birthday with you and I wish you could fall asleep in my arms tonight. I wish I could make you feel safe. I wish I could give you the most innocent and wonderful day of your life.
My biggest fear in the world was seeing Jacob love someone else and that’s finally come true.
You are allowed to grieve the years you lost to mental illness. You’re allowed to be mad that it happened to you. You’re allowed to pine after the person you might have been had it been different. But don’t let that get in the way of your growing into your new self and following a wholly new path for your life.
I’ve been watching so much parks and rec just kind of assumed it was Jerry and though the camera was going to pan over to everyone laughing. Classic Jerry.
The Royal Tenenbaums, 2001 (dir. Wes Anderson)